Thought Pill #4: Nightmares

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It’s been two days straight of nightmares. These aren’t the kind of nightmares like, someone’s dying or anything of that caliber. It’s about losing someone. It’s about this girl who I think I have emotional attachment to and every time I sleep, there will always be this scene where I end up losing her to someone, or something. Someone might be a faceless character, or a person I know personally. I get up around 3:00 – 4:00. I tried to write a sort-of note of what’s been happening to my dreams lately and it kills me to be on the only end part of anything. i’ve been trying desperately to not be affected by it, but sleep is a different story. I already had a synopsis of sleep deprivation that i am not willing to add instances again, though this may not be the case.

I hate how perfect she is to me and the fact that I don’t know what stand we have in this, whatever thing that we have. I don’t want to be the type who texts up every now and then because i can be labeled as “clingy” or, having non of the excitement, I can be labeled “dull” which in a sense, I can never win unless I mix the both pretty well which we all know, that concoction does not exist.

I don’t even know what we have going on here. I don’t know, I’ve been assured that we have something special thought I am not sure where it will go. I don’t want to expect anything as big as relationships or anything but I am hoping we may go there.


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