Thought Pill #3 : .. and you thought you’d forget

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It’s amazing how the brain works, when you forget someone, or something, just see a stimuli which can help you refresh your mind about a certain topic and then voila! You’re remembering about it. It’s amazing, and gut-wrenching at the same time.

 

It’s been a year since I saw this girl that I liked, to make things worst, our connection isn’t as close as it was. we’ve cut every single thing that can help us remember each other. I don’t know why she did this, and if I did something wrong in the process, for all I know, before we parted ways, I thought we had straighten every crooked line, every problem resolved, and every frown turned upside-down. i still remember that by mid April, I tried to look for her profile, I was curious at that time, wanting to know where she’d go to college and if she and her current boyfriend is doing alright. (to be quite honest, it stings my sides to even look at their pictures.) then, I just couldn’t see her profile anymore, even searching on the facebook search box was useless, I remember her url since she had that url for quite some time. I asked a couple of people that were personally in contact with the girl, they said that they could see her profile, i was all, “Wow, why? Did I do something wrong?” It’s weird because she greeted me on my birthday on the 12th of April, which kinda told me that we were on good terms, apparently not.

 

I was not the only one who apparently got blocked, some of my classmates and some of her acquaintances got blocked as well, particularly  people who she told me she didn’t liked and people who were, at a certain moment in time, were dear to her.

 

Take note that for a year, I haven’t talked to her, even the slightest silhouette, only relying on stolen shots, and photos from others, peeping at her brother’s profiles to see if there are any traces of the girl. These were the only things I do to, for a brief moment, think that she’s alright.

 

 

Tonight, I couldn’t sleep (What else is new?) and because of this, I went to youtube to look for music videos to download (SOmething that I do quite often to watch for a later date) then I remembered that she used to post videos on youtube, i searched for her name, i stumbled upon some videos, about 7-15 videos under her name. It’s weird because it was from the college she’s attending, i clicked some videos and looked for her. It’s weird because it’s been a year since we last saw each other and i can still remember how she looked, how she laughed, how she looked at me when she knows i’m utterly pissed at something. I saw her on one of the videos. She was nwearing a black shirt and black jacket, posing like some kind of bad girl you can see on the movies, a little tomboy-ish. Then, she started to talk, the first word just bounced off my ear, echoed through my brain like it sensed something familiar, something that made my eyes hotter and began producing tears, tears of joy,  this was the first time I saw her, and heard her in over a year and I was so happy, so fulfilled, so amazingly thankful that atleast, I saw her, not in person, but in the video, which was, for now, enough to satisfy.

 

 

It’s weird that after hearing her on the video, memories just popped up out of my head.I rememebr the time where we went out, and I told her that I got jealous of her guy friend, I just remember her calling to ask me if I’m alright. Ugh, the memories are just too much to bear

 

 

I miss her that much, and if given a chance, just to be with herr, “I’d trade all of my tomorrows, for just one yesterday” -FOB

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